A-OK

As the oil from the left over chinese that i accidently dropped of my table soaks into my carpet... i keep telling myself that im fine. Yh mn im fine, yh dw im kl, chill im kk. As the blood drips out of the side of my mouth because i bit it while eating some peanut butter sandwich when i wasnt even hungry i keep telling myself that im fine. I mean i shudnt have been eatin anywayz so it shudntve reli happnd bt yh its ayt. As i find myself thinkin of different mathematical proofs and how many tiles there are on the lecture hall ceiling during a standard lecture of which im paying attention 3% to i keep telling myself its fine. Yh its nt that bad, atleast im at uni, gettin into debt for no apparent reason, committing my life to something i hate is not as pathetic as it seems. no problemo.

True Colours

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Though I realise
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
But the darkness inside you
Makes you feel so small

Show me a smile then
And don't be unhappy,
Can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you're taking all you can then
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there.

biased much?

2p coins; the second most useless piece of metal after the 1p coin. And also random screws, those are kinda annoying aswell, and solder balls we used to make in electronics. what exactly can u buy with 2p coins?their use it completely insignificant, in comparison to the 1p coin which can be used to give exact change. i hear screams of 'no wategwann ur wrong and crazy!' and 'go back to cuba u hippie' but think about it, u dont reli wnt that 2p coin in ur change and u most likely give it charity or find a way to get rid of it. so why in this age of rationalism and cutting the deficit do we waste our time minting 2p coins? simple.... its a tory conspiracy:p no1 keeps their 2p coins so they either throw them away, let the cashier keep the change or give it to charity. if u throw them away then homeless ppl will collect n spend, so the state doesnt have to look after them. if u let the cashier keep it then ur helping businessess to increase their profits, so the state doesnt have to subsidise, and if u give to charity the state doesnt have to give a fuck. all so the state doesnt have 'tax' u and spend money on crap, while a third of that money goes to business which is ownd by...the tories. eat that dan brown.

an excuse of a post

Vodka n fairy liquid....well u never know. so yeah as you can guess it snowed in southampton. apart from making snow yellow, i find myself being a bit bored. u wuda thought i'd be used to the snow being british, bt usually white spray is warm on my face. i saw a pretty gurl 2day n she had reli low self esteem, its a shame she didnt even kno wt she ws worth. they really should teach maths to prostitutes. remember that truth does not depend upon a consensus of opinion. whats plainer than a plane? vanilla, i swer that no1 can taste vanilla ice cream! its just like...plain. how do u get a plane to crash? call mr patel to the cockpit.........cos theyll explode... right so blog post.. hmmm wt shud i say..hmmm well i dnt wnna use up all of my endless and hilarious material so ill save some for next time :)

cryptic crypt

I'm pretty ill. I'm also jamming for no real reason on my laptop writing on this blog while wearing my new slippers. Every second of my life seems pretty good. What I can't explain is this sense of hopelessness creeping across my mind. My mental path seems to be as blocked as my nose. While I paused a few moments ago, a huge red error sign just popped up, the autosave had failed. Typical. I want to go to sleep really, I always do. Right now thought I'm forcing myself awake, to savour my some what smelly room. A thousand gold coins cannot buy back even a second of time spent. Is it worth the effort to have a round wheel on bumpy road? My room is pretty stuffy, I'll spray it cover the smell, although it would probably be better just to open the window, I don't think I Could handle all that cold air in one blast to be honest.

What I meant to say the other night...

The guardian of the water came out of its cave with a splash to quench my thrist. Making stories looking at my bottle is pretty tough....like a pyramid! What i realised today is that there are a lot of keyholes around. Which means that there are loads of places locked up, probably for no good reasons. This makes me mad. Firstly, due to my sense of entitlement to inspect such areas. Secondly because i have yet to find another keyhole within a door or cupboard with an intial keyhole. It's strange about things that would make my day. Usually, when I'm in one place for a certain amount of time, it becomes "messy". My theory is that mess is exclusively a man made creation. A volcano vomitting out all that destructive lava is not usually described as "messy". A hurricane on a desolate beach is not usually messy, but put one man made hut on that then BAM! the remains of that hut make the beach look, you guessed it, "messy". Messi is hardly messy, apart from maybe the hair. But connecting the word messy to the name Messi, does usually involve a messy sense of humour. Actually I think the word clumsy is more appropiate. Sometimes its a little slip and you don't get much grief. Sometimes, you fall over and hurt your knee and get compensation, you dumn bitch! In the library I saw this sign, on lvl 1 check it out for yourself... "special vision required... please do not remove this magnifier"... huh what magnifier... AHHH i geddit! see I'm not sure that meant to be funny. You know what annoys me? When people say thank you. How about YOU fucking thank me! Telling me what to do ... you aint my daddy!I got an email today asking us to keep the noise down. It was more like a request, you know what I mean? Would you please keep the noise down, thank you for your consideration. No thanks are required considering I haven't actually said I would be quiet you assuming prick! Also thank you for your consideration, why the fuck would I thank myself for consideration I haven't even considered to give. sigh.

i hope life is good for u. ive rarely been more upset guys. i kno i say that a lot but thats all explainable, bt ryt now, im just glad this is not a sad day or otherwise i'd be on the several parts of my carpet weeping. i wish i wasnt the complusive liar i am reader and i wish i cud just spray the blood of truth from my black heart, there is so much i havent said. alas, im still afraid to share myself with the world.

the other night...

It all started in sobar with quad vods n red bull. As i walkd home in the freezing cold giggling in phone conversation im not too sure existd, little did i kno wt awaited me. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness, i told myself that this could all be a dream bt i went about readying myself anyway. the bunfight was today, where all the societies frm around uni whore themselves out on shit canteeneque tables. draggin myself to the bathroom i collapsed halfway, the green carpets of jblok were just too comfortable. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness, and finally brushed up to leave. i found my mate james who startd yellin at me, i cudnt understang wt the fuk he ws sayin bt i ws lyk yh sure dude. then fukin bit me!!! i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. i realised that i didnt even have a friend called james. looking at my ceiling i started talking to myself, im soo ill i sed, a voice in my hed replied... oh my. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. then i went to the bunfyt n lost kab n isaac somehow. trying not to throw up amongst the crowds i floated thru towards the susu sports hall. insted of going in i went to the stairs and sat down, my head ws spinning, fuk alcohol. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. i started thinkin of the nyt b4, fallin down a flight of stairs wyl still keepin all my drank in my cup. estas bien? i moved thru the ppl towards the mexican society and sed hi to lulu. siginin up and tryin to be polite n seem kk i smiled and moved on. the gap outside brought my senses bak. i entered the jubilee and KAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! that fukin ching chong carly is grabbin my arm draggin me across the hall... i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness... i fukkin wish!! convinced she ws actuli speakin chinese i jst nodded and looked around. i left the bunfight after a wyl and walkd bak with edd. and went to bed. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. Kab ws at my door. u comin dinner kavi? nah man im feelin too ill man. kk. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. kai n kab were at my door with my dinner, aww man i love u guys. they help me stream the champions league game..i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness 6 fukkin ppl are sitiin in my room watching wyl im jamming in my bed... sigh! im nevr drinkin again man.

gimme a break mn im tryin..

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Growing Up #2

I felt weird today. Not the I ate 2 litres of chilli sauce on my dodgy pizza yesterday kind of weird but like, you know, emotionally. My main obstacle to happiness in life hasn't been my nemesis the middle class or even my skin colour but in fact my very own brother. Being the older child, my parents have always showered him with more praise and love than myself (aww). This has also come with extra pressure on him and he's always eager to please my dad and earn his praise, yeah he's one of those types. Being the neglected son has its perks in an asian family as "constructive criticism" is not constantly thrown my way as it is with my brother. Being the Fredo character he is, he got rather upset today when my dad shouted at him about his employment status. Now for some reason, instead of glowing in this somewhat victory and planning my escape from his shadow, I decided to defend him. My dad was right by the way, about what he was saying to my brother, it's just the delivery of an Indian father to his son can be rather direct (brutal). I've always had to be the brother who grew up first. I got a job first, I got a girlfriend first (to my knowledge), I lived out first, I have always had to be the passively resistant and responsible one. Today was a major event. I know it may not seem like much but standing up to your dad is one of those things that makes you a man, a thing my brother has never been able to do. To actually shield my older brother, to fight his fight for him gave me the weirdest sensation. I mean he's still going to be higher than me in the family hierarchy. He's probably going to betray me and I'm going to have to whack him.

Night Dreaming

I was lying in my bed.

Luckily for me, most of my brilliant (ridiculous or downright obvious) innovations (god I didn't want to use this word, totally wrong word but I can't remember the word I wanted) come when I'm alone and about to forget them soon as i drift into my other life. I was thinking about religion. Religion (well most of them) I figured out was derived from the battle between good and evil. Why? I suppose to answer or to give a guide on a more important issue, namely, how to be happy. Good things usually mean making other people happy by sacrificing some self-interest and in return the happiness spread would make you a little happier and fulfilled. However bad things would be selfish and sucking in others' happiness for your own sake. Religion also gives purpose. Purpose allows happiness to be derived from a rather meaningless life.

Then I fell asleep.

oh no!

OH NO! lookin bak on what ive become... its not wt the kavi last year wud be proud of. given he ws a idealist n pretentious prik... he had some good in him. now im even worse!! well enuf about me. as i steal wireless internet frm my neighbour and avoid my drunken dad who has just walkd into my house, i realise... i actuli broke my front door handle.. shudnt reli be proud of that ey? bt still takes alot of strngth i thought, if it only it had been intentionally. so i misdd u london. same ol depressin losrness. i like to think i brougt shit bak frm soton into my life here.... n i think i did, i mean my day still starts at 3pm.

also ive become even mooooooore self obsessd! u nevr thought it possible ay? bt yh shit happns

so i thought id continue writing here, nt so much to entertain u plebs, altho it may do, bt i spose as to keep one's flabby carcass active. make sure this brain doesnt stop workin. so nw i gt competetition frm new blogs ive discovered frm my uni buddies aaran n ramses. heres the low down.

aaran pretty offers no resistance to the irrestiable charm mine offers to those with the ability to read it. the surreal non sequiturial nature of wategwann is enuf the over power the overwhelmin boringness of one kiwi!

ramses is tougher opposition! short n sweet with an asian insight n easy going humour may attract the more casual reader... how to combat that? nuclear AIDs... get me some uranium , a blak man and three apes n meet me by ms cailles office...

remember good ol keanan n kel. fikkin coons. whoops soz.. negroids. now im not a racist..................................................................................................................................................................................................................... bt 2 blak guys in a store just screams robbery. nope kavz ur pretty much the same. soz merett if u red i kno u dnt like that word. so spain won the world cup, bunch of priks, apart frm fabregas,,, good ol arsenal player for life he is. wts the deal with iceland anywayz.... shop or country i just cannot decide! hmm shud i pop in something intellectual? remember philosophy doesnt answer nething... it just keeps u busy thinkin till ur too dead to care. wel i leave my comebak at that for the time being.

actuli no, im still nt sleepy, n ive gt like 20 mins on my laptop. its weird how 2 am is pretty late for home time, i wudve been expected to be asleep like 2 hours ago... but at uni i wud JUST be gettin to my room on a school night. i miss uni. no kavi times have changed! so london has changed.. wer the fuk have these tamils come frm? must sneaked in thru the shadows! ... yh wategwann racism isnt thatt funny anymore, its a lil annoyin actuli. ryyyyt. so wt the fuk am i meant to talk about then? there are foxes in my garden, one ate a baby the other, or some shit like that . my mum ws like :O im like bitch stop watchin the tv n make me a sandwich. ok sexism isnt funny either. hmm theres not much left is there? its reli hot man. i blame global warming. it ws reli cold during winter drawin us into a false sense of security.. thats wts global warming WANTS u to think! then bam! melts u like a meltable solid in a british summer ! sickkening isnt it? i dnt see y apple decided to make the iGlobalwarming.. i mean theyve got enuf of the market share, why wont the government DO something!? fukkin coalition, libdems r fukkin sellouts! now i cud make gay jokes bout that dude, bt no im gnna rise above it... riiiiight i tried applyin to volunteer at a law firm for disabled ppl, never responded.... disabled joke? u guys are sik.... like seriously mentally sik! righht so my batterys gone... cya soon guys! brb!

Copying Aaran just for Tom

(1) You wake up and It's a beautiful day in Southampton because you're young, sexy and you know Kavi. Laying in bed with a grin on your face you lose track of time and when you snap back to reality you realise you may not make it to lectures on time, CRAP! You:

Try to get to the lecture as fast as possible, you paid for it right? - go to 4

Stay in bed, education is overrated - go to 5

(2) You and Karim talk for hours about how he's a pussy and he keeps sayin bowl locks and ball shit. You decide to go to Asda with him and you have an awkward but enjoyable day with him. After all that Tunisian though it's time for dinner. You:

Go to dinner - go to 8

Hang out with Karim a little longer - go to 12

(3) You fall into a deep sleep. No ordinary sleep, there are unicorns and shit all up in your grill. There's a purple tunnel ahead of you and as you walk through it Kavi's head pops up. He asks you to come to his room. You:

Follow him - go to 18

Run in the opposite direction - go to 14

(4) You run all the way to your lecture, pushing that old lady who was walking slowly infront of you on purpose (you convince yourself). despite all your efforts you are still 5 mins late. This means you face that awkward walk into the lecture theatre and shyly take your seat next to that random if you go in. You:

Bite the bullet and go into the theatre - go to 11

Decide to walk that mysterious alley next to the lecture theatre you've seen but never walked down - go to 13

(5) Staying in bed is so comfy! Until.....NEIGHBOUR! Karim is bored. He knocks on your door loads, but you've not said a word yet. You:

Stay put, you're sleepy - go to 3

Get up and talk to Karim - go to 2

(6) You sick fuck. Firmin dies and you wake up. As you look around the corridoor, turns out Firmin actually has died a gruseome death. You blame yourself for the rest of your life, eventually committing suicide. The end.

(7) Firmin is forever grateful. He offers you a prize, either a wish or you get to fuck Firmin as hard as you want. You:

Take the wish - go to 16

Fuck Firmin really hard - go to 6

(8) Dinner was full of those familiar faces you always see, those guys you hate but still talk to, fucking ethnics! Unable to control you emotions any longer, you unleash your true feelings and slam your cock into Lei's face. Lei doesn't respond well. After an unintelligible ramble he kicks your arse as the rest of the guys take bets on who will win. You die in the bloody rampage of the dragon. Lei is arrested for murder and you go down as a national hero, silent but never forgotten in the hearts of the chamberlain crew. The man who slayed the dragon. The End.

(9) Turns out Kavi has made a time machine which you are to test out. You put one foot in but then have second thoughts. You:

Run away and go dinner - go to 8

Man up and enter the void - go to 14

(10) On the way to dinner you see Kavi. He seems really excited and wants to show you something in his room (hopefully it's not his penis again..). You:

Tell him to fuck off and go to dinner - go to 8

Go to his room, penis here i come:D - go to 9

(11) It turns out the lecturer hadn't even arrived yet and you comfortably sit with your gang of mates (all of whom are chinese of course). The lecture is pretty uneventful and you hang out with your course mates until its time for dinner. As you are about to depart from campus you notice that alley again. You:

Finally decide to explore the alley - go to 15

Go to dinner, Lei's wating.. - go to 10

(12) Karim shows you his voodoo side. He engulfs you in a black hole. He asks whether you want to go on a journey that extends beyond space and time, or should you wait because dinner is pretty soon. You:

Go to dinner - go to 8

Keep going in this black hole - go to 14

(13) The alley is longer than you expected. It feels like you've been walking for hours. All of a sudden you see Karim. He looks kinda freaky. You:

RUN! - go to 17

Talk to Karim - go to 12

(14) You see all that exists and that has existed. You see people writing on their blogs at 3 am and the predictable grueseome death of Firmin. You see waves of particles brush against your body as you start freaking out. You see Kabert having sex with Hector and you KNEW something was up! You now have a choice, as you see Firmin hangin on a ledge with a pit of chainsaws below him. You:

Save him - go to 7

Let him perish - go to 6

(15) The alley is pretty plain, nothing magical even happens. You are about to leave but you notice a shadow in corner of your eye. "what the fock!", ah crap its Kab. After a conversation where Kab laughs for about half of it, you go back to Kab's room and play AOE2. You both decide to turn pro and eventually become the leaders of your countries after ww3 when wood and stone resources are low and the brightest minds are needed for these times of kings and conquerors. Epic times. The End.

(16) The wish is granted but as you decide what you should wish for you wake up. Proud of yourself in the dream you stay happy for the rest of the week. This optimisim leads you to great things and you live a happy life. Lei dies horribly and you laugh loads with your fuckloads of money and super hot wife. The End.

(17) Running doesn't save you from the sound of BALL SHIT piercing your ears. Unable to take it any longer you face up to your fear only to see that Karim has dissapeared. You walk home frightened and confused. Karim is never seen again. That moment absorbs your life as spend every minute searching for answers of what happened. You die alone, without friends, family or Karim. The End.

(18) You wake up and Kavi is actually at your door. It's also dinner time, you were asleep for a long time. Kavi wants you to come to his room but you're really hungry. You:

Go to his room - go to 9

Go to dinner - go to 8

CHIIIIIL!!! wategwann folks, so im a lil tipsy, my fingerz cnt find the keys properly, so i finally tried the opposite of caffeine, alcohol. ive lost brain cells. yh ignorace IS bliss. god im such a flop. so uni is crazy. so many girls!!! jesus i havent had an erection in weeks! i miss jenkins so much. always turnd me on wen he wore nothin bt his tie ;)

myt aswell say sumink

so hows uni guys? my floor has a homophobic racist on it, altho hes a pretty close m8:p keeps ur friends close. nehoo ne1 find international ppl to be more interestin than regular british chavs. seriously im pretty sure im living in the wrong country. ive got a two week induction and today is the last day. ive got a 45 min lectur on how to use email, wt a waste of time! infact i found out i had this lecture thru my email. yh so southampton is shit. it has the population of redbridge, so i ws pretty much expecting a hamlet or something. i spose there are some nice aspects, i mean the hoodies are surprisingly well spoken. also i can see the stars <3 nehoo i though id give a lil post for now cos i sed i wud. maybe some readable material next time?... peace guys.

A Load Of Nonsensical Nonsense #1 - The Dream

To create, thats the dream. for me the desire to create comes from being part of the unfortunate half of this world without child bearing hips. from time to time (often on this very blog) i spit my envious venom at those to which creation comes to so naturally. We all aspire to create and this is because if the simple act of placing something into existence makes us feel as if we have made a change. Ofcourse we do this all the time. this however does not lead us closer to purpose. in order to create we must destroy even it is just the destruction of the existence of a once simpler universe. in order to destroy we must also create. for all those asians doing sciences heres something thats actually makes sense. there is a finite amount of mass/energy in the universe. we cant get something from nothing, if i were to claim i did it wud make me a liar mr Jesus. (is jesus' surname christ?) thus when we lie we MAKE things up. so what is destroyed when we lie? i suppose it would be fragments of belief, meaningless stuff really. wait just one darned minute! the bing bang... creating something from nothing. creation without destruction because there was nothing TO destroy, not even conceptual existence. therefore the universe is a lie, an illusion, a pleasant hallucination. we , as humans part of the lie, cant destroy or change or find purpose. most importantly we cant create because to create is part of the dream, in the dream and IS the dream. (nice rule of three).

note to all: the 'logic' used in wategwann's 'A Load Of Nonsensical Nonsense's ' are all entirelly the opinion of the author and no other. any offense was created was not intended and the author apologises for any intellectual inconvenience.

cut the crap

ive busted my foot and ive been indoors since like exams say. what ive learnt from this experience is that you can just about fill a 14 hour day with quake live and masturbation.

i was wochin king kong on itv 2 the other week but i wsnt payin attention to the story cos one thing was on my mind....where the fuck was king kongs giant cock? it shud be swingin all over the place

it wud reli suck to work in an office. the highlight of my day would be figuring out a reason to use that other inside out setting on a stapler.

fizzy drinks are bad for u cos they rot ur teeth, theyr bad cos they have PHOSPHORIC ACID!!

the french economy was booming b4 the recession. probably because every single perfume company was founded in paris sometime in 1965

i learnt an important lesson 2day trying to make squash. dilute and moisturize are not the same thing.

i was volunteerin at an orphanage and i noticed this priest comin every week and givin handsome donation. its weird how kids all look pretty much the same. its also weird how every kid at that orphange called the priest father.

i bet emo kids in japan try to learn english to look cool

alice peeked through the looking glass...which could have been any piece of glass considering most of it is atleast translucent

the oil tycoon

theres something repulsive about bein congratualted by those who have never given 2 shits bout u. it has a smell to it....the smell of family.ive just managed to fx my belt bukkle with a comb. i know thats a bit random even for this blog but spontaneous moments of awe inspiring brilliance deserve to be shared. back to my bitching. yes family sucks, its like a mafia without the guns and with all of the stabbings in the back(see godfather pt2). lets talk about me again. i find myself feeling numb wen i 'shud' be happiest. have i forgotten how to be happy? no... im reli happy wen i play fifa. and quake live:D u kno wt? im so 'content' ryt now that even IM nt interested in what im sayin, i feel sorry for u guys. kk ill make a joke. what did the rich arab oil tycoon say to the oil who he thought was his inside man calld 'men'? "bitch! you men?" geddit? if u dont ur probably matt and have the IQ of a geographer. if mr may and that fat bitch ray had a child together how fukkd up wud the contours of that kids face be? it makes me sick just thinking about it. if ms rae were to make a map of her cave (vagina) i wud be rather impressd. i was rudely awoken this morning by the TV in my parents bedroom. the reli big tv was given to me by jason for by birtday a cuple of years bak cos he ws gnna throw it out. my father decided that it WAS infact a piece of junk and wud selflessely dispose of it for me by placing it in his bedroom. its fukkd me up. anyhoo i ws woken up by my dad watching (really loudly) jeremy kyle. the bitter sound of the proletariat. peace.

One year on..

Has it really been a year? This time last year a clean shaven (referring to my head ofc) wategwann decided to take on the world by emulating thousands of other teenagers and expressing themselves online. what i have discovered during this time is that the pen is most definitely not mightier than the sword. i dont actuli use a pen but the keyboard is also not mightier than the sword. simply because a sword is sharp and can cause severe physical damage. it shocks me that no1 seemed to notice this and let this stupid phrase to live on. for all those budding young journalists who look to me for inspiration, and thousands do, i'll leave you with this advice. criticism is a good thing, it means your work is known and was read. any attention is good attention. roal dahl, the greatest writer of all time, would have just been an old paedophile if no1 red his work. also, pictures are probably better at sayin things that u are, so use pictures to express thousands of words so u dont have to. to my occasional reader, i thank you for reading this blog. it is because of you that this has tempered to storm of time and will hopefully continue to do so for another year.

yours trully, wategwann.

The Adventures of Kavi

Well it all started yesterday morning cos wen i woke up it ws the day before repeated, and again this morning it was the same day. going to the same grounhog festival can get very repetative! it actuli happnd ws that i woke up in the middle of the night. i lookd at the clok next to my bed and it sed 80 past 1. thats not right i thought. 'its the same as 20 past 2' a magical genie sed as it appeared in my bedroom. also i gt three wishes. i used the first wish turning the genie into jo brand and the 2nd to make her bend over... mmmm good lovin. anyhoo three minutes after meeting the genie we were off cos we had become tyt frends by then. we flew to and island called the isle of dogs. we asked the two guard dogs to take us to their leader. the leader dog was this big ol bitch. also she was jamaican. we asked for the jade monkey. u see... the genie needed the jade monkey to set off the trap of al jazeera and become a news tycoon to fund his holy war against salaadin to avenge his father who had been sacrificed in the brewing of the twelve isotoped used by the cocacola corporation to make diet coke with lemon. the jade monkey was given to the dogs for safe burial in the garden of the thames. In an authentic jamaican accent the bitch askd wt we wud giv her in return. clearly neither of us had any worldly possesions and i didnt want to use my last wish, we pleaded with the female king. she didnt think their cud be two queens in this country, and she took the UK as a country so even if the queen was in scotland she wudnt call herself queen. she eventualy agreed to give us the jade monkey, IF we did something for her. she asked us to set 60 tonnes of explosives under the castle of kathmandu. i thought shiiit how the fuk r we gnna get that thru customs, im fukkin asian aswell. lukkily the genie cud fly, i mean thats how we got to the isle of dogs in the first place. we landed outside the castle and one of the cat guards saw us. "cats at kathmandu? real original kavi.." the guard sed 'hey fuk u!' 'and isnt this whole idea of talkin animals kinda similar to a post merret did once?' so just like that crazy jap woman did on youtube, i stamped on the cat until its brains came out. 'bon appetit' i sed as cats brains were probably a french cuisine. ' oh kavi...' the genie replied ' ur too much:)' the explosives were set and BANG! the place was up in flames. we tried not to laugh but there were so many cats on fire it was too hilarious not to. 'WAIT' boomed a voice. the cat leader was in flames approaching us. she was blonde with beautiful green eyes, i wuda tappd that if it wsnt on fire. 'save me!' she screamed ' i know the secret of ur father. the one no1 knows... cos its a secret.' the genie though for a while with a stern look across his face. then a smile crept back as he remembered the hilarity of the situation. he saved the cat, thinking that knowledge was worth more than revenge at the time being. the cat said ' you see mr winston' that ws the genies name, atleast on his passport ' ur fathers not ded, atleast not in buddhist terms!' the genie and i looked at each other and then back to the cat. this changed everything, or atleast nothing.

TO BE CONTINUED

A lil sumink

Steve took the bus to barkingside. steve then turned into kavi, im too egocentric for this shit, i aint playin no games. i went into tescos with my pal ravz then we ran on walls for about an hour or so. true friendship finds fun from anywhere even from silence. Then we went to the freakiest place ever, the barnados village. 6 long years going to skl before i realised there ws a village in the middle of shitty ol barkinside. along side the bnp BKS and a whole load of asian students is the most tranquil place for storing(lets be honest) murderous orphans and smelly ol folk. me n ravz walkd up to a statue that sed 'live everyday as if it were ur last, now turn around' behind us was a fukking one armed lesbian blak youth. i thought could society possibly hate you more little girl? ravz ws probably lost in profound thought but all that escaped his lips was a mumble of the word 'cupcakes'. turning my attention back my pretty little sauda, she spilled out 'si yo fuero un chico' i replied ud still be a one armed freak and then legged it. poor girl. i made my way to primark, ditching ravz on the way, tamils have tution even wen theyre not in education, keeps them out of trouble (civil war). nehoo u know ur poor wen u wait for a sale at primark. peace.

What makes a good person Pt. 1

What makes a good person? Now we want to get some AO2 marks perhaps we should define what good actually is. It would be wrong to say that there is a fixed definition for good but it would also be false to say that the concept of good is relative or a matter of opinion. What I'm trying to say is that no matter how you spin things you can never fully claim or prove that good to one person is evil to another, that's because we associate the concepts of good and bad with that of right and wrong. I'm going to try to keep within the parameters of logic and hypothetical situation, also not taking into account the insane and anti-social behaviour etc. also I'll try to keep balance by taking three different angles from the worlds of moral philosophy, political philosophy and science.

"The greatest good for the greatest number of people" anything action that would lead to this would be the right action, at least according to utilitarians. Although this does seem to provide a basis for how to be good, it carries the same flaws as simple majoritarianism and therefore democracy as well. Majority opinions have often led to outrageous decisions, both majority vote or just majority consent or acceptance. Slavery, racism, sexism have all arisen from majorities or the strong benefitting from the system. we still see this today, majorities in the commons have led to an abuse of expenses and led to war in the last 10 years, minorities in the world have actually benefitted from capitalism by exploiting the majority, but only because they have majority consent. Forced compliance to the majority can lead to good on the other hand. Education would be opposed by the majority of kids while they're still in school, at least up to a certain age, but we can all agree that forced education is good. This brings me to the 'general will'.

Rousseau and other political philosophers have discussed the 'general will', anything that would benefit society as a whole. Although this can be the same as majoritarianism, it can also go against the idea of almost everyone. One problem with politicians acting in a good and right way is in deciding what the general will. Nietzsche felt that a 'superman' would come along and decide the general will, good advice dude. This led to Hitler, Stalin and Totalitarianism. The nation is split between on how the place should be run, half on the right and half on the left (not really, but it would be simpler if it was). it could be that both sides are wrong. If it were possible what was good for society, would it also be right(good) to force compliance? if there ever arose a situation (I've adapted this from torchwood) where you had to sacrifice the lives of 1,000 children or the earth would be destroyed, many would choose to let earth be destroyed rather than live a life where they couldn't look at themselves in the mirror, even if it would suit society if it gave up the kids. It might be easier to find out what good is if we took the complexities of civilization out of the picture.

Let me take you back to the big bang. The universe probably started with a huge expansion with incredibly simple particles like quarks. These particles joined to become more comples, electrons then protons then atoms then molecules. Certain people, including physicists, believe that the universe follows a path, almost a destiny, in which things keep getting more and more complex. The theory is called the tendency towards complexity. The universe started infinitely simple and became more and more complex, and known to us humans at the moment are most naturally occurring complex beings in existence. The universe will continue to become more and more complex until it reaches an ultimate complexity, many believe this lead to the tendency toward simplicity, in other words total destruction or the big crunch, others believe the ultimate complexity is god. Anything that can be seen to aid the process towards ultimate complexity may be seen as good, and anything to hinder the process can be seen as bad. Killing is bad, because if everyone did it, it would lower the population and the gene pool would decrease stopping evolutionary diversity. Love, tolerance and freedom are good as they keep the world even and fair keeping the gene pool up and increasing the evolutionary diversity. Once again there are flaws, as this doesn't take into account people, the environment or the economy but it does take into account the big picture.

There may not be such a thing as good but only the human condition. Ofcourse none of these ideas are my own so feel free to look these up for yourself. Any way, getting back to the question at hand, what makes a good person?

To be continued.

overtaking merret

thats right folks i think, im pretty sure ive got the maths right here, that with this post i've overtaken merret for most posts, includin that other shit blog i had once. how sad. nehoo turns out im goin on holiday. whoohoo? to majorca..sigh. i try to avoid chavs in this country why wud i want to do that in a whole other time zone and climate. i spose it wud be a break from this rather boring unoutrageousness. actuli summers not thaaat bad. i ws in the parke the other day. oh my. it ws in the 12th century u see, i cant believe i jsut spelt park like that, it wsnt a typo, it just felt sooo right....MMM! i once spelt or as ore, totally different words. nehoo in the park i ws surrounded by these huge trees, as is normal in a park. cut to the chase kavz... yh then i came on her face! then it startd rainin, in the park.. by the way i came on kates face just incase u were wondrin. i remember thinkin, hmm trees will keep me dry n safe while it rains... BANG!! some emotionally fragile lightning comes my way, this was the first time ive ever seen lightning and heard the thunder at the same time. i remember wen i ws in yr 4 a bunch of girls in my class were cryin cos there ws thunder which was allah comin to get them for being sluts.. u see one of them took their scarves off during PE!!:O shock horror... and then the rest of their kit to suck of mr blacklock. anyhoo in the mark i swer i cud smell smoke. i though oh shit chavz.. but it ws tobacco/weed free, also in the whole lightning context, chavs wud have been a rather weak explanation for the smoke. i also heard a scream and it ws gettin louder......... aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAH!!!! turns out zeus had fallen off his cloud into the earthly realm. wategwann i greeted him with a smile. i cud tell zeus was confused about how he travelled the 1,700 miles from mt olympus to seven kings park in the distance a drop of rain falls. he then calld for his dinosaur morph and megazord and went to fight some huge bad guy where no damage ws reported and the incident passed without notice from the public. ive never gt how anyone cud be good at public speaking, i mean wt if ur crowd is just dum and they dnt get ur revolutionary ideas.. the jews ARE a renewable source of energy:( bad days in st petersburg. have u seen that plynth in traf sq? i ws there with matt the other day.. SHOUT OUT TO MY BWOI MATT BIG UP!. hopefully hell lett me sleep with sister now. nehoo wt wud u do for a whole hour in the middle of a national landmark. u kno wt i wud do..... yes i would get my penis out and semen all over my lovelys, u sik minded ppl. wt i wud reli do is buy a whole load of hair gell and point my hair at about a 50 degree angle to my face and also do the same to my pubes except to my tummy and get a semi on, then i cud be three sun dials. some jappo myt ask... hmm wts the time, ofcourse he cud look at big ben, bt wt if he 4gt his glasses,... SUNDIAL MAN!! hmm i dnt reli trust his hair...how about a 2nd opinion... thats right chek out his pubes! i dnno why jappos are always on holiday lookin at the sites, its not like they can see. i saw bruno the other day, it has a very powerful message i have to say. u kno wt? for this entire time ive been typing ive been tryin to think of a joke involving tom... no luck tho:( i think its subconsciously outa pure respect. so i stalkd tanjil and his gf the other day, they didnt see me but i have photos if u want proof. shes kinda freaky lookin upfront. nah im playin sees fine. just a lil question tho.. dude wt were u doin with ur hands?! seriously! dudes gta pop peace.

sigh MORE Rhymes? - A2 Politics

Look at the state's shiny iron fist
That's a Muslim not a terrorist!
Whatever happened to my human rights?
When did this tyranny take flight?
What happened to mr Jean-Jacques?
What happened to our social contract?
What happened to accountability?
Trust and responsibility?
'Complexed' by modern industry
And dont forget the military.


R
E
A
D

V
V
V
read below aswell i wrote more lame stuff:D

growing up

mental activity isnt real activity.

my room gets messy so quickly, i only tidied it up yesterday. My mum was yelling at me, she was all emotional and blood was trickling down her leg, so i thought it wud be in my interest to do so. there was quite alot of paper, most of it from histry, and like a good indian i didnt throw it away or even recycle it, i just shoved it in my closet along with my sexual orientation. now this room is covered in clothes, which are mostly potato sacks ive bought frm matalan. theres a natural feel to the clothes, its like a jungle. i like to think theres some sort of scientific theory behind why my room never stays clean, its like the pressure system or osmosis. when i tidy my room i create a vacuum with low pressure which sucks in mess. i dont think i'll make any religious comparisons to my logic, im not reli in the mood.

i was thinking, Jesus, the son of god, was blates a homosexual. forgive my stereotyping, i AM trying to be funny. firstly, jesus surrounded himself with 12 men...GAY. he touched men on a regular basis (healin n shit)..GAY. he drank wine....overwhelmingly GAY. aswell as proving jesus was gay ive been trying to figure out what the fourth dimension is. mathematic doesnt need one, english student say there isnt one cos we've alredi used up axis x,y and z. but perhaps if we go to one of those crazy asian countries we might have more letters. i thought that if u draw three boxes on top of each other u might see it, but it just makes a mess. a vegetarian can eat meat with a clean conscience if they eat the placenta that comes with a baby. its like vegetarians want to be hated, surely that borders cannibalism. one of the questions people ask when theyre gettin to kno others is about favourite colours. why would you like one colour more than others? i do like purple, but it seems kinda homosexual. i used to say mine was green but my rents beat that outa me cos its the colour of the pakis. actuli my fave colour is black now, cos im lonely and misunderstood. lol

if you can figure out the reasons ive used for starting new paragraphs then ur a smarter person than i. paragraphs are so middle class! lol. i like that. if the nazis had won the war, i wonder how they wouldve dealt with global warming. burning jews at a higher rate would have been counter-productive. that kinda sounded america, nothing to be ashamed of. i felt a bit of shame the other day cos i sed semi as sem-eye. the yank way. using the word eye, theres a clear way to working in a joke about either kate or the dutch. ill leave that to ur imagination. when people go to war, does the army effectively lynch the opposing army? only reason ive brought it up is cos i got the oxfrd definition for lynch, i used to think it was just the game where u hang black folk. inalienable rights... never did come up on the exam.

peace.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

9th November 2003

LATIN SIR'S SICK LUST FOR BOYS AGE 13
A PERVERT teacher who lusts after boys as young as 13 is exposed by The People today.
Barry Clarke, 60, is outwardly a respected Classics master who teaches Latin and ancient Greek to teenage lads.
But parents of his pupils will be shocked to learn of his sick secret desires.
During our investigation, twisted Clarke:
-DROOLED over good-looking pupils he sees in class.
-FANTASISED about having sex with them.
-HUNTED for like-minded sickos on gay chatlines and
-PLANNED to meet a 14-year-old boy for sex.
A freelance investigator posing as a rent boy called Matt was invited to divorced dad-of-two Clarke's flat within hours of meeting him via a hardcore chatline called Fist.
The senior teacher at prestigious Ilford County High School in Redbridge, Essex, rubbed his hands in glee as he said: "There's some beautiful pupils.
"They've got beautiful bodies. They're very sweet and they like me.
"They've got lovely smiles and I can imagine what their bodies are like.
"There's one boy with a fantastic torso. I'd like to slowly undress him to his pants, then touch him, kiss him, stroke his legs, his bottom, then take him to bed and **** him.
"Then I'd just hold him tight. That would be nice. He's Asian, got a fantastic body."
Smirking Clarke went on: "There's one or two attractive boys in Year Nine, age 13.
"Some of them are well-formed. Some of them have really shapely legs and a nice bottom and you can tell from experience what they're going to be like underneath.
"I've been looking all my life so I know exactly. There's some very nice and very attractive boys with very nice bodies underneath, I can tell."
Believing Matt to be a paedophile with a 14-year-old boyfriend, the teacher asked: "Does he sleep with you? Does he stay the night, come to bed with you?"
The investigator replied: "You must have done it once in a while?"
Clarke told him: "Of course I have. I'm not blaming you, I'm just interested."
As they discussed older men bedding teenagers, Clarke said: "Just enjoy it. Sit back and enjoy it. Don't worry. I certainly don't. I'm just careful. A man in my position..."
But he carelessly named his school, adding: "It's a local education authority school, a real, proper grammar school.
"We take the top seven per cent of the borough and get better results than private schools." Pouring two glasses of wine, seedy Clarke revealed his favourite fantasy: "About 14, 13. Some 13-year-olds are beautiful, they've got beautiful bodies, lovely shape.
"Over the age of 20 or 30 I tend to be less attracted."
Stretched out on a sofa and wearing a dressing gown, he readily admitted preferring teenagers to men his own age.
Clarke explained: "They've got beautiful bodies. I just love beautiful bodies, something that's attractive. That's what I'm into. I'm not necessarily into the bump and grind of it all but I do like a beautiful body. That to me is the most attractive thing, to be able to touch it, to kiss it, to hold it.
"They're lovely kids. They're beautiful and they're becoming sexually active."
Clarke hastened to add that he looked but did not touch.
He said: "I've got fantasies but I'm not actually doing it.
"Not under 16, of course not. I'm not that daft. I don't want to end up in jail." Clarke admitted sometimes eyeing up pupils during Latin lessons.
He said: "I can see under the desks, you see. I can't see their ***** because they've got trousers on but I like to look at their bodies. I wouldn't do anything - it's my job, it's my life and it's illegal."
But Clarke, who is soon to visit China with a party of pupils, DID try to turn his fantasies into reality.
The freelance investigator had already discussed with Clarke the fictitious teenage lover he had invented.
Then last Tuesday he texted Clarke: "You said you fancied my boyfriend, Adam, and he's only 14. How about a threesome?"
Immediately after lessons, the teacher replied: "I do indeed fancy him, but on his own."
In a phone call next day Clarke said he wanted to perform oral sex on the boy - but not in his own home. The conversation continued: Matt: "I'll tell him he's coming up for a visit then?"
Clarke: "Yeah. I don't mind coming over to you."
Matt: "What? You want to meet him at mine?"
Clarke: "At yours, yeah."
Matt: "Can I watch?"
Clarke: "If he wants to."
He then arranged to meet the 14-year-old at Matt's flat after school.
No such meeting took place. But our evidence is available to the education authorities.

Source: http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-109979035.html

Nuclear Diplomacy - Two Bad Analyses

So, Russia and the USA have agreed to reduce the number of nuclear arms each has. The cold war has been over for how long? And finally each country has agreed to reduce numbers of weapons of ‘considerable’ destruction to a mere 1,700 each. Having none was enough for Iraq to invite invasion. If Sadaam had held an unelected position and controlled a puppet to run the country from a seemingly legitimate position, would have an invasion still have been on the cards? Also agreed was a safe passage of US army equipment to be flown through Russia to Afghanistan. I had forgotten that troops were still there. Is it wrong for a country to cooperate with a country with a dubious legitimate electoral and human rights record to impose a government on another country while all the while promoting power to the people? Sweet talk and tanned skin is all it takes to seemingly wash the imperial nature out of a nation.

The USA and Russia are back on speaking terms after a tense 8 years. President Obama has miraculously managed to reduce the number of nuclear arms on each side down. The move is hopefully a sign of good faith on both sides to drop the aggressive approaches taken in the past. The agreement also included free passage of equipment to fight the war on terror in Afghanistan through Russia. The previous route through Pakistan was often subject to attacks from militants and this agreement will aid the progression to an elected and stable government of Afghanistan. The break from the mould set by the Bush administration is allowing the USA to be taken seriously in its attempt to prove it isn’t just self-serving and hopes to extend to hands of diplomacy even further towards China and N. Korea are becoming ever more realistic.

period 5+6

sarah walks into the class
her mind starts to dance
as she looks across the room
the kids sneak a glance
this is not what they planned
billy puts up his hand
and says....

miss!
do we live just to die?
no we dont,
we only live to multiply
but why?
that seems so dum!
but its fun!
ask your mum
she fucks till shes numb

who were the nazis?
well to be blunt
the nazis were cunts
they killd loads of jews
and they flopped the eastern front

why is the sky blue?
its all about the bending of light,
you learnt about the spectrum right?
all the colours perceived by sight.
well they bend around the earth
electromagnetism shit
white lights goes on to split
and only blue then transmits

miss i feel sick.
then fuk off to the office
and make it quick
they'll believe u
theyr that thick
cos i kno ur not ill
ur just a fukkin lazy prick

why does mummy cry?
cos ur dads homosexual
and their marriage is a lie
u kno why ur dad makes the post man run?
well because lil jimmy
ur the postman's son.

riiiiing!
break time guys
the kids seem shocked
but fuck off like flies
sarah stands there
and starts to reflect
done her bit for today
taught the kids about respect.

blates looks like simon!

where to start. my typing is gnna be a lil lame 2nite, altho it normaly is, cos my fingers are stikky, its soo hot. also i masturbated.. anyhoo. i managed to find more trees that smell like semen, oblivious to the rest of the world that dont smell their tissues when theyr done. the chemical compisition... lol lets not take the beauty away from it. so i decided to write again after some writers block because georges blog is gettin good. bastard. so i need some new material...good material. its harder than it looks to write entertaining stuff. apparnetly j k rowling used to sit in some coffee shop wen she thought up harry potter. more like harry mocha.....hehe:p *blushes* coffee does help u write. it enters the mouth...warm n tasty, and makes u happy. caffeine then enters the stomach and is absorbd instantly in the small intestine, its in liquid so it gets a fast trak into ur digestive system, like those lines at thorpe park. i ws waitin at thorpe park for 90 in a line for stealth, some lil girls startin singing britney spears...i hit them one more time....hehe:p *blushes* oh yh once the caffeine goes into ur blood it releases soem reactionary chemicals and serotonin the happy stuff. happy ppl are usually the ones who are the most annoying. like mr hamid, sure hes a fat jolly son of a whorish radion, but he seems happy. i remember he used to love romero. i mean who didnt? late night in ml1 with pearlman...rubbin each other with lotion on the front desk.....wen mr jelf comes in with only a speedo and a party hat. mmmm! i laughed for a while jst now jus remembering jelf eatin weetabix any time of the day. wt a G. i miss PE, i ws just gettin into football and then we dont have to play anymore..sigh. sport is good, its keep men manly in this age of feminist domination. feminism is turnin the world into gayness and knobbishness. actuli its the originality matrix. i lyk the matrix, the film cos it had shooting and the black guy actuli survived and then becomes a CSI. anybody wtch csi? theres this one in miami where everyones a prik. the main isnt even a policeman, hes like an Lt, i swer thats in the army:S theres this texan woman who loves guns, probably for shooting niggaz, or spics, miami has a lot of immigrants, and slaves, they export them to the cotton factories in georgia. i spent 4 weeks in georgia, its full of blak ppl, they used to sell weed right outside my aunts shop. lol yh my aunt has a corner shop. they call my aunt mama and my uncle papa...mainly cos they dont kno theyr own rentz. i feel sorta sorry for orphans cos they have to live in victorian england. empires count as supranational bodies right? they have to. is the EU an empire? the usa defo is, infact any federal system shud be surely? like india and um.... other places? i just loggd in to chek my email, i have like a gazillion different passwords, unlike some ppl i kno who use the same one and then tell everyone what it is. does everyone else have like another secret email account for stuff thats like dodgy and pornographic? its funs signing up to stuff and usin jasons home address so he gets lots of bills. ms patel just calld me...all 7 trillion of them, i gtta return my book. i dnt think ill be able to get to skl in this heat. its canada day today, my bros gone to london. theyr actuli sellin bison burgers:S do they still exist? i gt food in my belly and a licence for my telly - P Nutini. you need a licence for ur tv... i just thought about it. u need a licence for a GUN...a license to KILL...hell a licence to drive... but a permission to watch tv?? sigh. i ws reading the daily mail....wait a minute!!:O u see my maa doesnt trust me to make food on my kitchen table without makin a mess, she has a point, so she gets old newspapers from old ladies on my street and lays them on the table so i can do my bizz. anyhoo they all read the daily mail. it ws sayin that the mccanns, u kno the baby killers, are makin a surplus on the amount of donations theyr receivin and the amount spent on searching. about 150k. a good business idea i have to say. ppl i have had a mini relapse into my coffee addiction, as all addicts do. ill get over it. but i have to say it reli does make u feel better, atleast for like 10 minutes. think of all the things u do in 10 mins....kate three times over mmmhmm! im listenin to la roux atm, she reli does look like simon. look ill make it my pic and ill let u decide. anyhoo we have 3 pretty sik female artists comin thru. lil boots, la roux, florence n the machine.....NOW i think 80% ppl hate these three. 15% dont kno who they are..hint hint tanjil, james, ravee mr jenkins and so forth. personally i think theyr great. u kno who i cant stand tho... empire of the sun i mean what twats! why wud u be austrailian? just stupid. i sorta forget australia exists half the time. i mean even wen im lookin at a world map, the edges of the world are like the americas and japan. like no1 lives there, the population of london is probably bigger. speakin of london, shudnt north london split off from south london? all these niggers are makin us look bad. WHOAH i take that bak. that ws my daddy talkin. did i talk about my aunts shop? she is sooo racist man. i think its cos she loves them reli, and blak ppl are racist to themselves, white bourgoisie mentality man, usa suks. its weird but now we can forget everything we've learnt over the last 7 years or so, ill never need to use maths again, especially after the iphone learnt to calculate the split bill. the next generation will not be able to use calculators. or even their heds. just like in sainsburys the other day wen we gt £4.70 change frm a fiver for spending £1.30, im not complainin but technology is makin us stupider. why learn to write wen u have a laptop max? why learn to socialise wen u have msn? maybe its just progression. thats why the matrix was created in that film, not cos of the reason they gave, did anyone understand the film?... but because ppl were to obese and stupid to do thing themselves that they lived in a computerisd world where they were semi-perfect. actuli sounds quite cool, especially if u cud just load all those things into ur hed, like kung fu. i wud learn french, just so i cud swer at ppl and make it sound romantic. ilya du solieli mutha fuker! i remember wen my pc hard drive ws 64 mb. bak in the day, duke nukem was 16 mb! huge ting man, the doom 3 of the day. also doom was pretty big then to. iggcq3 i think was god mode. im finally 18! all the things ive alwas been doin i can now do legally! god the irony! im gnna be a lawyer.. im such a bad citizen:( i dnno who to work for, the market, the queen or the state, but is the queen the state?, l'etat c'est moi. nah i think we've moved on. the queen wants a pay rise! what exactly does she spend her money on? coccaine? i cant blame her, she has such a flop family. phil FLOP, charles FLOP harry FLOP, willys prety cool tho, has a nice choice in women. how old is the queen? and why isnt she ded yet? wen she dies its gnna be mega missionz gettin all the money bak and printin charles on it. is it illegal for the monarchy to marry blak ppl, blak genes are dominant innit. so just one and the royal family will be a very different colour. good ol blighty. apart from london this country is pretty shit. now sweden...theres some social democracy we can be proud of. also...*lost in thought*. i think this is the first time im successfully pikked up a post from another day, i startd this last night and startd again today, im pretty impressd with my self. actuli im easily impressd, omg i have 5 fingers! actuli stuff like that does freak me out occasionally, i dnno if ive alredi talk about this. but like i ws thinkin about arms. if we saw arms on alien, not like ours but like slightly different, they wud seem weird. big tentancle type things with grabby things. weird man. like have u noticed how big trees are...theyr HUGE!! and theyr alive!! theres like a 20ft being living outside my house and i never seem to care. some hindu i am. i dnno why i still call myself hindu, probz u cud probably be a satanist(not the actual ideology but like a satan worshipper) and thatll probably be accepted by hindus as a path to god. how comes its always the sort of pushy religious ppl who are the ones that dont understand their own religions, but i spose religion is what one makes of it. so theres like 7 billions religions. does athiesm count? i spose it does. ive found myself defending relgions recently, and i have no idea why. maybe its because my brother has finally found the guts to say hes an atheist. and i hate everything my bro likes. he keeps sayin democracy cant have a constitution or otherwise its a republic. in a sense thats true, but in everyother sense its not. for a republic powr has to lay with the constitution and a set of unelected senate. well not unelected but not neccesarily universal suffrage. power doesnt lay with the demos. in liberal democracy where does power lay? with the power elite ofcourse chomsky. well maybe ..um...damn! i always do this. wt i ws sayin is that a state can have a constituion while still keeepin power residing with the ppl, look at switzerland. my family keeps almonds all over the place, my mum says they make ur brain work better. my mums better of in the kitchen and not lecturing. well this is a lil more than i usually write, i think it actuli was the coffee that helpd....sigh. welll until next time guys. peace

entertainment, not feelings

summer is hot! sure its a lesson many have learnt but not me! atleast not till 2day. cmon england hasnt gt much to offer. its like theres a heat wave every decade where a bunch of old ppl die bt aprt frm that this countrys weather is shit. shit in that the sun is hidden behind a grey curtain. nt that i dislike that, i love bein depressd! hmm. i love how boots advertise summer as a time to make women sort out their fukkin imperfectible selves. bloated, ugly women with unclean homes and children. women get all the shit. and so they shud, that fat fukkin whore shudnt have told adam to get her some fruit. bitch! god is it just me or are women gettin lazier? men were gentlemen because women did all the house work, but theyr just fat orange bitches, demanding positively discrimated rights. its chromosonist! its a womans world soon guys. i heard someone say that ther wudnt be wars if women were political leaders. not true. ww2 wudnt have been startd over the invasion of poland maybe, but some lady wud say germany looked big with those borders and BANG! england has the fattest women in europe. its cos they have rights here. wt a mistake. i wud love to see paris again, i went there wen i ws in yr 5, i went with my mum and her sisters. never go holiday with women, they just spend all day shopping. shopping in a country which has a changin exchange rate with us... its like trading ur money for cows and then eatin them wen ur a vegetarian. actuli its not. but u get the idea? wen i went to florida my cuzin sista spent 50 usd to get into universal studios jsut to spend all day shoppin and no goin on a single roller coaster. cant blame women, 3000 years without a job and now they get financial responsibility they cant fukkin control themselves.
ENOUGH
yh im disgustin myself with the sexism, but the stories are true. its gettin pretty dark outside. i dont like to be disturbed wen im doin these blogtings cos i 4get wt im sayin, also im pretty fkkin embarassd about wt i write. i wish i cud be silly again, cos i ws alot happier. the uk has adoptd a silly humour now innit. look at those confused.com ads, silly is the new witty. its not about slick puns but about unicorns in outlandish situations with a varied vocabulary.
"one day a walnut ws skippin along a rainbow wen an exhaust pipe ran up to it and sed ' where u goin mate' and the walnut turned around and sed ' away from a personifaction of inanimate objects' the exhaust pipe then left cos he gt all puffd up.....he ws allergic to nuts" sigh? i think ive forgotten how to be funny. anal just isnt funny anymore. i thought it ws cos i ws all lokkd up in my house during exams but like my house can be funny at times, like one time my mum calld me to dinner so i fukkd her up cos she blates didnt make rice. i love rice. i will any shit aslong as it comes with rice. my diet is pretty fukkd up aswell. i remember i used eat bread and ketchup. it ws a mixture of laziness and yumminess. hmm i havent insuktd anyone. i had sexual intercourse with a member of one of my associates family. done;) i ws wochin this thing about darwin and it sorta hit me that all of us are monkeys. well not exactly monkeys but like close to. its pretty weird. i have weird moments like that, moments of ummmm.. like 3rd person perspectives. humans have arms, like branches, with grabby things at the end of them. doi. oooh i gtaa pop, cya soon. peace.

Forever Waiting

Four walls, a timeless sentence, sweet silence. The pulse in my head grows ever louder but the ringing never stops. It’s an empty beauty, a disastrous beauty. Delicious pain sweeps through the air and rocks my very soul. I am alone. My eyes ache from staring and my mind draws blanks. I start to forget. I forget what I have forgotten but the fact that I have continues to ring true, along with the pulse in my head. I close my eyes. The serene endless darkness arrives.
‘Liberation’.
I go where I please, meet who I choose and do what I want. Everything is right. But. There’s always a but. This isn’t real, I’m not sure what is, but this sure isn’t. The void collapses, the smile drops off my face as the endless darkness becomes the back of my eyelids. It won’t come back. It’s for the best. I open my eyes, nothing’s changed. I breathe a sigh and wait. Answers won’t come but I’ll just wait.

exams to the universe via UKIP

one exam 2 go! whoo? exams are dos man, but it IS quite sad knowing that ill never reli need to go to skl anymore. ah well, so wots poppin dudes? nada mucho ay? i h8 how ppl always go on holiday at different times in summer, like u never see all the people u wnna see at the same time u gtta almost schedule it, i spose it keeps u busy. i like summer cos of the fact i have like 12 hours a day just to read, and an hour to stretch my legs. its bre hot tho. i dnt remember summer being this hot, its global warmin innit. shud i politicize this? mmmm yh kk but only a little bit. i blame ukip for their seemingly anti-recycling policy. theyr party broady-cast for europe was genuinely funny. i ws surprisd to hear some ppl i kno voted ukip, "well i dnt like labour anymore and i ws never gnna vote tory right wing bastards!" ..... yh votin ukip is the rational solution. now lets stop the judging! wts it called wen u always think ur always right? it has to be some sort of psycological defect... prickishness. feminists are always accusin men of this, i think feminists have launched an irrational war against men and are winning. lol ofcourse i dont im no tory. and plus they couldnt organise a war thinkin about shoes all the time. and wernt laces a stupid idea? wteva happend to laces? actuli i take that back. i dnt anushka to shout at me..:p but anyways yh i dnt have laces on any of my shoes, except those pink ones. oh yh and the white ones... hmm im thinkin about deleting this post but ive written this much so i myt as well finish it. i always get sad wen im about to finish a book. its like its the end of a journey:p how gay! i sorta feel the same about skl, except im sorta glad at the same time.u kno wt else made glad? the fact that the house of commons maild me to thank me for the advice i gave them:D hehe:D i knew N Clegg read this blog! (borrowd frm matt). wteva happnd to pencil cases? i remember every year like a week b4 skl startd i wud go to partners or wh smiths and buy a brand new pencil case and fill it with all sorts of junk like a fancy fountain pen and a tablet rubber that i wud never use and wud get all dirty with all the pencil shavings in my pencil case. and remember pencils? i havent used one in ages, it seems much more useful than pens cos u can rub it out, i spose thats also a dangerous thing, but still. ive always had terrible handwriting, i wonder why. i think i read somewhere that people who think too fast have shitter handwriting than those who take their time and are like are composed. hmm im neither. i cant imagine how hard it must be for stand up comedians to stand up in front of all those ppls, like wt if they cudnt think of anythign to say and just lke startd talkin like i do now. "yh how about that ukip...wt a bunch of shit... so... tv dinners...wts up with that?" ive never actuli had a tv dinner and i admit im nt reli sure wt they are. i imagine theyr sorta like plane meals but not full of relgious jewelry. lol kavi that ws just...sigh. i just bought some toner for my beast of a printer, cost me £90! printers are like big magnets with laserbeams..well laser printers are anyway. its like a mini star wars battle in ur printer everytime it prints. how much paper have we wasted wen we print something wrong. one time i actuli attemptd to do my RE hw and it ws 10 pages long. wt a waste. wt eva happnd to pearlman. man i wud tap that. she usd to model for alders. makes sense, only jews shoppd there. i always plannd to smash all the glass in alders with a single bouncy ball, it wuda been spectacular.....ly expensive thinkin about it now. remember those machines u cud buy bouncy balls from for like 20p out side the swimmin pool. how much urine must ther be in swimming pools, like atleast 10%, thats why u feel warm after uve been in the water for like 5 mins, cos of all the pee. lol? im actuli always quite cold, and i like always have cold hands and feet. bad circulation or soemthing. i have low blood pressure aswell. im kinda worried about it, but only cos i kno nothing about it. thats wt my mum does, she ws scared of hayfever cos she thought it ws this contageous uber disease. everyone has it these days:O! shes a hypocondriac, she takes all sorts of drugs, painkillers , ceterizine hydrochloride, ferrous sulphate , bethlametasone, amphetamines. all sorts. and after all that(she doesnt reli) she still likes this ayurvedic medicines, the cure to cancer is to rub ur eyebrow didnt u kno? im like the only person in my house to have an immune system, every one else gets ill and its not fair! i have(had) to go to schoool every fukking day but they got to stay at home and get me to do everything for them. not fair at all. wen i do get ill i have weird dreams, i get this kinda overwhelming feeling. i like havin good dreams, if i have a nice dream ill be in a good mood for the whole day, my life is just that sad. sleep is quite mysterious. 'sleep is the cuzin of death' - mr game . i can understand wt hes tryin to say, but nt reli.... i wonder wt deaths like. i think tryin to imagine death is like trying to comprehend the existance of infinity, or even minus infinity. daunting shiz. sometimes wen i genuinely think about death and get all deep about it, i start to warm to the idea of christianity, nt because jesus loves me, but because i wud love to believe in a heaven. saddly fukkin enlightenment thinkers had to ruin the party a cupla centuries ago. a lot ppl i kno say that they wudnt want to live forever. theyr dum. i wud love to live forever, no threat of outliving my children or family...like im ever gnna get married or anything... no living forever sounds like fun to me, except wen the universe collapses on itself. or even when the earth dies out. or wen N korea nukes the shit out of us. hmmm. well thats enuf boys. cya next time. peace.

hmmm...

I have 7 books stacked up one on top of the other on the desk next to me. I've partially read all of them apart for one. One of them is "The Prince" by Machiavelli; according to my personal statement I have read it though, so shhhhh! The only book in the pile that I've actually finished reading was a birthday present from Tanjil. Although I'm not a neo-liberal as such, I mean I don't watch FOX news, but I have to say I enjoyed the book. I read most of it waiting in the middle of Piccadilly Circus outside T.G.I.F waiting for 'friends' to arrive for Jen's birthday meal. There's something quite appealing about reading in a crowded place in the middle of a winter's night sipping a venti mocha with whipped cream. I don't drink coffee anymore and I try to consume as little caffeine as I can. It's impossible though because it's in chocolate:(. To highlight my commitment to giving up, I have 12 cans of diet caffeine free coke in my kitchen. It tastes just like regular diet coke, horrible, but it doesn't keep you up at night. I've gotten used to the taste of diet coke because my mum is quite conscious of my health, not really her own, but definitely mine, like all good mothers. My family is quite unhealthy and I'm the only one in my household to have a BMI of less than 25. I'm a healthy 21:) contrary to any of rigby's claims of me being obese. At a point is my life I was a borderline anorexic and weighed less in year 11 than I did in year 8. I guess I was 'bullied' (according the definition of bullying posted throughout the school) and it has undoubtedly shaped my personality today. Namely, giving me the self-loathing trait. The poem of 'Jona's got nits, Kavi's got tits' still rings in my ears and has led to me rinsing my hair whenever coming into contact with Jonathan. My family has also influenced the way i act. Being one of the youngest in my family I got used to being told to sit down and shut up, as any suggestion I made was unwelcome and any argument formed illogical, older is wiser and demands respect. My family shaped my religious views as child as well. Growing up as a Hindu of the highest caste in the caste system, being raised a vegetarian, being taught about Hindu philosophy and taking part in several religious ceremonies including my own Hindu equivalent of a bar mitzvah meant I grew up as some sort of Hindu fundamentalist. This most probably influenced my political views as I shrugged of the idea of the eight-armed god. I wound up (rather embarrassingly) at radical ecologism and then more 'sensibly' to modern liberal ideas bordering on socialist. The transition has been more successful than of other Hindus I know. When I grew out of organized religion I also abandoned nationalistic views I once held for India and tried to distance myself from Indian culture. I can fluently read and write Gujarati but i can't speak it, which is quite odd. Indian culture today is quite sickening, there's a wedding practically every Sunday, just so they profit of not having to pay the Congestion charge! Indian people tend to talk really loudly as well, I personally can never tell when someone is angry in my house because they're always shouting. And of course, where would Indians be without free food? Why do Indians turn up to weddings and functions rain of shine? Free food! My mum has often complained of my 'un-Indianess' asking me "tu doryo che?" which is "are you white?". Of course scientists have proven the correlation between skin colour and culture. My cousins ask me the same question, but they mean in the rudebwoi Asian sense. I usually reply with something like I'm not Indian and you're not Indian, look at the clothes you wear, the language you speak, the food you eat. They never listen though because "as any suggestion I made was unwelcome and any argument formed illogical, older is wiser and demands respect." I think there are a lot of British Asians to cling onto the culture of their ancestors with no real success. Guys want to be Asian but they don't want to be 'freshies' , which to me are people who have the most Indian characteristics. I suppose most people have identity crises, not just Asians. I DO wonder what life would be like if I were white....

The Japanese

Sensu beans! If you once watched Dragon ball Z you would understand what they were, but to the rest of you, they're magical beans that regenerate your hit points. Remember when HP and PPs were important abbrev. , they mattered in the world of pokemon. Yes! You've hopefully guessed that this post is about 'Jappos', as N. griffin refers to people of the orient, I assume, I would never bug his telephone and listen to his phone sex calls. He doesn't like porn you see because he only sees one side of it, whereas I know pornography is an art form. I don't particularly watch Japanese porn because the 'Jappos' don't shave, ever. Also they blur images which is off-putting. The capital of Japan is... just confirming with wikipedia...it most definitely is Tokyo. For some strange reason I thought there could've been the slightest chance that it was Kyoto, maybe all that Civilization I play is getting to me. White folk seem to have the hugest infatuation with Japanese culture and I have to admit I did once too. OH MY, I've just realised something, the very principle of this post has been stolen from another quite 'shit' *kidding* blog I occasionally read. I'm going to read it again and see if I can still continue. Well I suppose I could go on. His post was about the cultural influence of the Japanese here in the UK. That is a prime example of globalisation and shines a light on the increasingly obsolete nature of the nation-state, or in fact the very existence of nations in the modern world. So why do white folk like Japan? My theory is the conservative approach the people in Japan take. whaah?! I hear you scream, how can the ultra-modern Japanese be conservative, they don't still have shoguns do they? Well to tell you the truth I'm really not sure if they still have shoguns but they have certainly preserved their cultural heritage and is probably the only...'well off' country to have done so. But so has Britain! I hear you scream once again with a patriotic flare. Has it? Has it really? No one eats rabbit stew anymore; no they eat curry and wash their hair with shampoo. 2-0 to the Indians! Well by integrating those into the British way of life maybe they have, a curry is the most British thing you can eat, so much so that white folk eat at Indian restaurants more than I do. Now that I've veered of what Merrett talked about in his blog, perhaps I can start to be funny again. hehe. Yes that IS my way of conceding that my argument was going nowhere and this seems to happen to me a lot, not so good for the future lawyer. You know what? I don't really want to be a lawyer; I just found Jurisprudence interesting and decided that a Law degree would take me to more places than one of Politics or Philosophy. Is it wrong that the expenses scandal made even more determined to be an MP one day, or even an MEP! Think of the perks! Europe is such a fascinating place but I feel that we're not in it. Europe to me is that place way over there across the channel. Ireland is definitely in Europe! At least not in my mind, even though every bit of the politician in me tells me it is more so than the UK. You know what I love about Ireland? The fact that it's the only place ever that could have a potato famine as a national tragedy. I mean come on! A tsunami or earthquake would be terrible, but a potato famine? That's just ridiculous! And a tad funny, to me, when I don't think about the death toll. Finding sick things funny is related to happiness you know. To find something that's awful funny you have to block out the seriousness of the situation. To be happy you do the same thing, you block out parts of reality that make you fall to your knees and throw up. People who don't drink aren't usually happy. Most are Muslim and I'm sure they're not happy about that. After all the suicide bombings I think they've run out of virgins there in heaven. Wow what a change in topic I have swung to from the 'Jappos'. Once I realise I've gone completely off-topic I usually end my posts. Tonight will be no exception. Peace.

easy like sunday morning (on a tuesday)

this is my third attempt to write this post. my fingers keep gettin drawn away from my keyboard to my hoolahoops. its very hard to think of things to say when u try, like i just went to the bathroom, after i just stared at this screen for like 90 seconds, but as soon as the pressure was off the things to think about just flooded my head. like why do women's jeans have a zip, its not like theyr gna poke their penis out of it and pee any time soon. and like how can u have a raspberry flavoured jaffa cake? i swer jaffa is like a type of orange. or a place where oranges are grown or something like that. then i thought what wud i wear if i went on the jonathan ross show. questions like these keep me standing at the urinal long after the pee has gone. the sad thing is that some questions dont have answers, nobody really knows wht darlings eyebrows are that colour, nobody knows why ukip's broadcast was more anti-recycling rather than anti-eu (if u havent seen i urge u to, its reli funny) and no1 knows why i have this blog. some questions are better left unanswered. .........right if u just agreed to my then ur a moron. all questions need answers, its pretty much the purpose of life, to answer questions. or maybe its just a past time. oh yh another revelation that came over me while i urinated ( i kno wt ur thinkin, i must drank alot) was that its reli hard to explain the meanings of words. like i ws readin about "liberalism" yday and i thought how can i explain wt toleration means without using the word tolerant. and i spose u can explain it in basic terms but how do u learn the meaning of words if u have to use words to explain them, u follow? like how did we learn the meaning of the first words we meant to say. i mean fair enuf apple is just an apple, but how did we structure sentences with words like is and that and and. all u english students gimme and answer kk;) it just got reli sunny outside all of a sudden, the sky is reli blue. how comes u can see the sky in space? looll thats the sea doi. im so dum:p yh how comes the sea seems so blue in space? but like its only blu on earth cos it reflects the blue from the sky. i remember in year when i ws a member of the school's hindu society:p lol! some guy came in and startin sayin some stuff i reli didnt understand, but he explained why the sky ws blu. its reli a dull answer:( i wud like to believe it has something to do with a giant tortoise like in all those terry prachett books. remember all those book fairs we usd to have in our skl. i always bought a book from there and then never read it. i hated reading then. u kno ur reading a good book wen u forget that ur actuli reading. and u kno ur revisin histry if after half n hour ur still readin the same sentence. i ws readin the coward book we gt in histry. hes meant to be some snobbish guy who loves cromwell, but i quite like his book, its may be slightly biased but he doesnt over do it. hutton is too popular for my liking, im gnna say hes an idiot b4 i read his book. so wens the exam? some time in the future:) so when exactly did cynisism become cool? i kno i can be very cynical at times. i think its just part of our culture now, british culture anyway. i dnt like the word british, it excludes the northern irish. wt do u call someone from the UK? like american can mean anyone from america, which is like a whole continent but they do u have the word america in USA, wt can u get outa UK... united subject?? nah that lame. everyone thinks how great english is because the world speaks it, so the english must be great aswell. but hooooow lukky are we that america speaks english. they cuda adopted french spanish(still can) or dutch. out of the countries my parents cuda immigrated toim glad its the uk. the usa is just so yuk. and europe is just odd. and london aswell, its a nice place. do any of u guys have family in like leicste or bradford...ugh. how can u live is such a place. anywhere north of london is just a sty. espcially oxford and cambridge. all they do there is drink and write dictionaries. well im gnna go eat. this ws quite a dull post i must say. i havenr read it over but i can jst tell. so ill put a nice yawn as the picture ;). peace