Growing Up #2

I felt weird today. Not the I ate 2 litres of chilli sauce on my dodgy pizza yesterday kind of weird but like, you know, emotionally. My main obstacle to happiness in life hasn't been my nemesis the middle class or even my skin colour but in fact my very own brother. Being the older child, my parents have always showered him with more praise and love than myself (aww). This has also come with extra pressure on him and he's always eager to please my dad and earn his praise, yeah he's one of those types. Being the neglected son has its perks in an asian family as "constructive criticism" is not constantly thrown my way as it is with my brother. Being the Fredo character he is, he got rather upset today when my dad shouted at him about his employment status. Now for some reason, instead of glowing in this somewhat victory and planning my escape from his shadow, I decided to defend him. My dad was right by the way, about what he was saying to my brother, it's just the delivery of an Indian father to his son can be rather direct (brutal). I've always had to be the brother who grew up first. I got a job first, I got a girlfriend first (to my knowledge), I lived out first, I have always had to be the passively resistant and responsible one. Today was a major event. I know it may not seem like much but standing up to your dad is one of those things that makes you a man, a thing my brother has never been able to do. To actually shield my older brother, to fight his fight for him gave me the weirdest sensation. I mean he's still going to be higher than me in the family hierarchy. He's probably going to betray me and I'm going to have to whack him.

Night Dreaming

I was lying in my bed.

Luckily for me, most of my brilliant (ridiculous or downright obvious) innovations (god I didn't want to use this word, totally wrong word but I can't remember the word I wanted) come when I'm alone and about to forget them soon as i drift into my other life. I was thinking about religion. Religion (well most of them) I figured out was derived from the battle between good and evil. Why? I suppose to answer or to give a guide on a more important issue, namely, how to be happy. Good things usually mean making other people happy by sacrificing some self-interest and in return the happiness spread would make you a little happier and fulfilled. However bad things would be selfish and sucking in others' happiness for your own sake. Religion also gives purpose. Purpose allows happiness to be derived from a rather meaningless life.

Then I fell asleep.