an excuse of a post

Vodka n fairy liquid....well u never know. so yeah as you can guess it snowed in southampton. apart from making snow yellow, i find myself being a bit bored. u wuda thought i'd be used to the snow being british, bt usually white spray is warm on my face. i saw a pretty gurl 2day n she had reli low self esteem, its a shame she didnt even kno wt she ws worth. they really should teach maths to prostitutes. remember that truth does not depend upon a consensus of opinion. whats plainer than a plane? vanilla, i swer that no1 can taste vanilla ice cream! its just like...plain. how do u get a plane to crash? call mr patel to the cockpit.........cos theyll explode... right so blog post.. hmmm wt shud i say..hmmm well i dnt wnna use up all of my endless and hilarious material so ill save some for next time :)

cryptic crypt

I'm pretty ill. I'm also jamming for no real reason on my laptop writing on this blog while wearing my new slippers. Every second of my life seems pretty good. What I can't explain is this sense of hopelessness creeping across my mind. My mental path seems to be as blocked as my nose. While I paused a few moments ago, a huge red error sign just popped up, the autosave had failed. Typical. I want to go to sleep really, I always do. Right now thought I'm forcing myself awake, to savour my some what smelly room. A thousand gold coins cannot buy back even a second of time spent. Is it worth the effort to have a round wheel on bumpy road? My room is pretty stuffy, I'll spray it cover the smell, although it would probably be better just to open the window, I don't think I Could handle all that cold air in one blast to be honest.

What I meant to say the other night...

The guardian of the water came out of its cave with a splash to quench my thrist. Making stories looking at my bottle is pretty tough....like a pyramid! What i realised today is that there are a lot of keyholes around. Which means that there are loads of places locked up, probably for no good reasons. This makes me mad. Firstly, due to my sense of entitlement to inspect such areas. Secondly because i have yet to find another keyhole within a door or cupboard with an intial keyhole. It's strange about things that would make my day. Usually, when I'm in one place for a certain amount of time, it becomes "messy". My theory is that mess is exclusively a man made creation. A volcano vomitting out all that destructive lava is not usually described as "messy". A hurricane on a desolate beach is not usually messy, but put one man made hut on that then BAM! the remains of that hut make the beach look, you guessed it, "messy". Messi is hardly messy, apart from maybe the hair. But connecting the word messy to the name Messi, does usually involve a messy sense of humour. Actually I think the word clumsy is more appropiate. Sometimes its a little slip and you don't get much grief. Sometimes, you fall over and hurt your knee and get compensation, you dumn bitch! In the library I saw this sign, on lvl 1 check it out for yourself... "special vision required... please do not remove this magnifier"... huh what magnifier... AHHH i geddit! see I'm not sure that meant to be funny. You know what annoys me? When people say thank you. How about YOU fucking thank me! Telling me what to do ... you aint my daddy!I got an email today asking us to keep the noise down. It was more like a request, you know what I mean? Would you please keep the noise down, thank you for your consideration. No thanks are required considering I haven't actually said I would be quiet you assuming prick! Also thank you for your consideration, why the fuck would I thank myself for consideration I haven't even considered to give. sigh.

i hope life is good for u. ive rarely been more upset guys. i kno i say that a lot but thats all explainable, bt ryt now, im just glad this is not a sad day or otherwise i'd be on the several parts of my carpet weeping. i wish i wasnt the complusive liar i am reader and i wish i cud just spray the blood of truth from my black heart, there is so much i havent said. alas, im still afraid to share myself with the world.

the other night...

It all started in sobar with quad vods n red bull. As i walkd home in the freezing cold giggling in phone conversation im not too sure existd, little did i kno wt awaited me. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness, i told myself that this could all be a dream bt i went about readying myself anyway. the bunfight was today, where all the societies frm around uni whore themselves out on shit canteeneque tables. draggin myself to the bathroom i collapsed halfway, the green carpets of jblok were just too comfortable. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness, and finally brushed up to leave. i found my mate james who startd yellin at me, i cudnt understang wt the fuk he ws sayin bt i ws lyk yh sure dude. then fukin bit me!!! i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. i realised that i didnt even have a friend called james. looking at my ceiling i started talking to myself, im soo ill i sed, a voice in my hed replied... oh my. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. then i went to the bunfyt n lost kab n isaac somehow. trying not to throw up amongst the crowds i floated thru towards the susu sports hall. insted of going in i went to the stairs and sat down, my head ws spinning, fuk alcohol. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. i started thinkin of the nyt b4, fallin down a flight of stairs wyl still keepin all my drank in my cup. estas bien? i moved thru the ppl towards the mexican society and sed hi to lulu. siginin up and tryin to be polite n seem kk i smiled and moved on. the gap outside brought my senses bak. i entered the jubilee and KAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! that fukin ching chong carly is grabbin my arm draggin me across the hall... i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness... i fukkin wish!! convinced she ws actuli speakin chinese i jst nodded and looked around. i left the bunfight after a wyl and walkd bak with edd. and went to bed. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. Kab ws at my door. u comin dinner kavi? nah man im feelin too ill man. kk. i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness. kai n kab were at my door with my dinner, aww man i love u guys. they help me stream the champions league game..i woke up cold and dizzy in a state of semi consciousness 6 fukkin ppl are sitiin in my room watching wyl im jamming in my bed... sigh! im nevr drinkin again man.

gimme a break mn im tryin..

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Growing Up #2

I felt weird today. Not the I ate 2 litres of chilli sauce on my dodgy pizza yesterday kind of weird but like, you know, emotionally. My main obstacle to happiness in life hasn't been my nemesis the middle class or even my skin colour but in fact my very own brother. Being the older child, my parents have always showered him with more praise and love than myself (aww). This has also come with extra pressure on him and he's always eager to please my dad and earn his praise, yeah he's one of those types. Being the neglected son has its perks in an asian family as "constructive criticism" is not constantly thrown my way as it is with my brother. Being the Fredo character he is, he got rather upset today when my dad shouted at him about his employment status. Now for some reason, instead of glowing in this somewhat victory and planning my escape from his shadow, I decided to defend him. My dad was right by the way, about what he was saying to my brother, it's just the delivery of an Indian father to his son can be rather direct (brutal). I've always had to be the brother who grew up first. I got a job first, I got a girlfriend first (to my knowledge), I lived out first, I have always had to be the passively resistant and responsible one. Today was a major event. I know it may not seem like much but standing up to your dad is one of those things that makes you a man, a thing my brother has never been able to do. To actually shield my older brother, to fight his fight for him gave me the weirdest sensation. I mean he's still going to be higher than me in the family hierarchy. He's probably going to betray me and I'm going to have to whack him.

Night Dreaming

I was lying in my bed.

Luckily for me, most of my brilliant (ridiculous or downright obvious) innovations (god I didn't want to use this word, totally wrong word but I can't remember the word I wanted) come when I'm alone and about to forget them soon as i drift into my other life. I was thinking about religion. Religion (well most of them) I figured out was derived from the battle between good and evil. Why? I suppose to answer or to give a guide on a more important issue, namely, how to be happy. Good things usually mean making other people happy by sacrificing some self-interest and in return the happiness spread would make you a little happier and fulfilled. However bad things would be selfish and sucking in others' happiness for your own sake. Religion also gives purpose. Purpose allows happiness to be derived from a rather meaningless life.

Then I fell asleep.

oh no!

OH NO! lookin bak on what ive become... its not wt the kavi last year wud be proud of. given he ws a idealist n pretentious prik... he had some good in him. now im even worse!! well enuf about me. as i steal wireless internet frm my neighbour and avoid my drunken dad who has just walkd into my house, i realise... i actuli broke my front door handle.. shudnt reli be proud of that ey? bt still takes alot of strngth i thought, if it only it had been intentionally. so i misdd u london. same ol depressin losrness. i like to think i brougt shit bak frm soton into my life here.... n i think i did, i mean my day still starts at 3pm.

also ive become even mooooooore self obsessd! u nevr thought it possible ay? bt yh shit happns

so i thought id continue writing here, nt so much to entertain u plebs, altho it may do, bt i spose as to keep one's flabby carcass active. make sure this brain doesnt stop workin. so nw i gt competetition frm new blogs ive discovered frm my uni buddies aaran n ramses. heres the low down.

aaran pretty offers no resistance to the irrestiable charm mine offers to those with the ability to read it. the surreal non sequiturial nature of wategwann is enuf the over power the overwhelmin boringness of one kiwi!

ramses is tougher opposition! short n sweet with an asian insight n easy going humour may attract the more casual reader... how to combat that? nuclear AIDs... get me some uranium , a blak man and three apes n meet me by ms cailles office...

remember good ol keanan n kel. fikkin coons. whoops soz.. negroids. now im not a racist..................................................................................................................................................................................................................... bt 2 blak guys in a store just screams robbery. nope kavz ur pretty much the same. soz merett if u red i kno u dnt like that word. so spain won the world cup, bunch of priks, apart frm fabregas,,, good ol arsenal player for life he is. wts the deal with iceland anywayz.... shop or country i just cannot decide! hmm shud i pop in something intellectual? remember philosophy doesnt answer nething... it just keeps u busy thinkin till ur too dead to care. wel i leave my comebak at that for the time being.

actuli no, im still nt sleepy, n ive gt like 20 mins on my laptop. its weird how 2 am is pretty late for home time, i wudve been expected to be asleep like 2 hours ago... but at uni i wud JUST be gettin to my room on a school night. i miss uni. no kavi times have changed! so london has changed.. wer the fuk have these tamils come frm? must sneaked in thru the shadows! ... yh wategwann racism isnt thatt funny anymore, its a lil annoyin actuli. ryyyyt. so wt the fuk am i meant to talk about then? there are foxes in my garden, one ate a baby the other, or some shit like that . my mum ws like :O im like bitch stop watchin the tv n make me a sandwich. ok sexism isnt funny either. hmm theres not much left is there? its reli hot man. i blame global warming. it ws reli cold during winter drawin us into a false sense of security.. thats wts global warming WANTS u to think! then bam! melts u like a meltable solid in a british summer ! sickkening isnt it? i dnt see y apple decided to make the iGlobalwarming.. i mean theyve got enuf of the market share, why wont the government DO something!? fukkin coalition, libdems r fukkin sellouts! now i cud make gay jokes bout that dude, bt no im gnna rise above it... riiiiight i tried applyin to volunteer at a law firm for disabled ppl, never responded.... disabled joke? u guys are sik.... like seriously mentally sik! righht so my batterys gone... cya soon guys! brb!

Copying Aaran just for Tom

(1) You wake up and It's a beautiful day in Southampton because you're young, sexy and you know Kavi. Laying in bed with a grin on your face you lose track of time and when you snap back to reality you realise you may not make it to lectures on time, CRAP! You:

Try to get to the lecture as fast as possible, you paid for it right? - go to 4

Stay in bed, education is overrated - go to 5

(2) You and Karim talk for hours about how he's a pussy and he keeps sayin bowl locks and ball shit. You decide to go to Asda with him and you have an awkward but enjoyable day with him. After all that Tunisian though it's time for dinner. You:

Go to dinner - go to 8

Hang out with Karim a little longer - go to 12

(3) You fall into a deep sleep. No ordinary sleep, there are unicorns and shit all up in your grill. There's a purple tunnel ahead of you and as you walk through it Kavi's head pops up. He asks you to come to his room. You:

Follow him - go to 18

Run in the opposite direction - go to 14

(4) You run all the way to your lecture, pushing that old lady who was walking slowly infront of you on purpose (you convince yourself). despite all your efforts you are still 5 mins late. This means you face that awkward walk into the lecture theatre and shyly take your seat next to that random if you go in. You:

Bite the bullet and go into the theatre - go to 11

Decide to walk that mysterious alley next to the lecture theatre you've seen but never walked down - go to 13

(5) Staying in bed is so comfy! Until.....NEIGHBOUR! Karim is bored. He knocks on your door loads, but you've not said a word yet. You:

Stay put, you're sleepy - go to 3

Get up and talk to Karim - go to 2

(6) You sick fuck. Firmin dies and you wake up. As you look around the corridoor, turns out Firmin actually has died a gruseome death. You blame yourself for the rest of your life, eventually committing suicide. The end.

(7) Firmin is forever grateful. He offers you a prize, either a wish or you get to fuck Firmin as hard as you want. You:

Take the wish - go to 16

Fuck Firmin really hard - go to 6

(8) Dinner was full of those familiar faces you always see, those guys you hate but still talk to, fucking ethnics! Unable to control you emotions any longer, you unleash your true feelings and slam your cock into Lei's face. Lei doesn't respond well. After an unintelligible ramble he kicks your arse as the rest of the guys take bets on who will win. You die in the bloody rampage of the dragon. Lei is arrested for murder and you go down as a national hero, silent but never forgotten in the hearts of the chamberlain crew. The man who slayed the dragon. The End.

(9) Turns out Kavi has made a time machine which you are to test out. You put one foot in but then have second thoughts. You:

Run away and go dinner - go to 8

Man up and enter the void - go to 14

(10) On the way to dinner you see Kavi. He seems really excited and wants to show you something in his room (hopefully it's not his penis again..). You:

Tell him to fuck off and go to dinner - go to 8

Go to his room, penis here i come:D - go to 9

(11) It turns out the lecturer hadn't even arrived yet and you comfortably sit with your gang of mates (all of whom are chinese of course). The lecture is pretty uneventful and you hang out with your course mates until its time for dinner. As you are about to depart from campus you notice that alley again. You:

Finally decide to explore the alley - go to 15

Go to dinner, Lei's wating.. - go to 10

(12) Karim shows you his voodoo side. He engulfs you in a black hole. He asks whether you want to go on a journey that extends beyond space and time, or should you wait because dinner is pretty soon. You:

Go to dinner - go to 8

Keep going in this black hole - go to 14

(13) The alley is longer than you expected. It feels like you've been walking for hours. All of a sudden you see Karim. He looks kinda freaky. You:

RUN! - go to 17

Talk to Karim - go to 12

(14) You see all that exists and that has existed. You see people writing on their blogs at 3 am and the predictable grueseome death of Firmin. You see waves of particles brush against your body as you start freaking out. You see Kabert having sex with Hector and you KNEW something was up! You now have a choice, as you see Firmin hangin on a ledge with a pit of chainsaws below him. You:

Save him - go to 7

Let him perish - go to 6

(15) The alley is pretty plain, nothing magical even happens. You are about to leave but you notice a shadow in corner of your eye. "what the fock!", ah crap its Kab. After a conversation where Kab laughs for about half of it, you go back to Kab's room and play AOE2. You both decide to turn pro and eventually become the leaders of your countries after ww3 when wood and stone resources are low and the brightest minds are needed for these times of kings and conquerors. Epic times. The End.

(16) The wish is granted but as you decide what you should wish for you wake up. Proud of yourself in the dream you stay happy for the rest of the week. This optimisim leads you to great things and you live a happy life. Lei dies horribly and you laugh loads with your fuckloads of money and super hot wife. The End.

(17) Running doesn't save you from the sound of BALL SHIT piercing your ears. Unable to take it any longer you face up to your fear only to see that Karim has dissapeared. You walk home frightened and confused. Karim is never seen again. That moment absorbs your life as spend every minute searching for answers of what happened. You die alone, without friends, family or Karim. The End.

(18) You wake up and Kavi is actually at your door. It's also dinner time, you were asleep for a long time. Kavi wants you to come to his room but you're really hungry. You:

Go to his room - go to 9

Go to dinner - go to 8

CHIIIIIL!!! wategwann folks, so im a lil tipsy, my fingerz cnt find the keys properly, so i finally tried the opposite of caffeine, alcohol. ive lost brain cells. yh ignorace IS bliss. god im such a flop. so uni is crazy. so many girls!!! jesus i havent had an erection in weeks! i miss jenkins so much. always turnd me on wen he wore nothin bt his tie ;)