The Adventures of Kavi

Well it all started yesterday morning cos wen i woke up it ws the day before repeated, and again this morning it was the same day. going to the same grounhog festival can get very repetative! it actuli happnd ws that i woke up in the middle of the night. i lookd at the clok next to my bed and it sed 80 past 1. thats not right i thought. 'its the same as 20 past 2' a magical genie sed as it appeared in my bedroom. also i gt three wishes. i used the first wish turning the genie into jo brand and the 2nd to make her bend over... mmmm good lovin. anyhoo three minutes after meeting the genie we were off cos we had become tyt frends by then. we flew to and island called the isle of dogs. we asked the two guard dogs to take us to their leader. the leader dog was this big ol bitch. also she was jamaican. we asked for the jade monkey. u see... the genie needed the jade monkey to set off the trap of al jazeera and become a news tycoon to fund his holy war against salaadin to avenge his father who had been sacrificed in the brewing of the twelve isotoped used by the cocacola corporation to make diet coke with lemon. the jade monkey was given to the dogs for safe burial in the garden of the thames. In an authentic jamaican accent the bitch askd wt we wud giv her in return. clearly neither of us had any worldly possesions and i didnt want to use my last wish, we pleaded with the female king. she didnt think their cud be two queens in this country, and she took the UK as a country so even if the queen was in scotland she wudnt call herself queen. she eventualy agreed to give us the jade monkey, IF we did something for her. she asked us to set 60 tonnes of explosives under the castle of kathmandu. i thought shiiit how the fuk r we gnna get that thru customs, im fukkin asian aswell. lukkily the genie cud fly, i mean thats how we got to the isle of dogs in the first place. we landed outside the castle and one of the cat guards saw us. "cats at kathmandu? real original kavi.." the guard sed 'hey fuk u!' 'and isnt this whole idea of talkin animals kinda similar to a post merret did once?' so just like that crazy jap woman did on youtube, i stamped on the cat until its brains came out. 'bon appetit' i sed as cats brains were probably a french cuisine. ' oh kavi...' the genie replied ' ur too much:)' the explosives were set and BANG! the place was up in flames. we tried not to laugh but there were so many cats on fire it was too hilarious not to. 'WAIT' boomed a voice. the cat leader was in flames approaching us. she was blonde with beautiful green eyes, i wuda tappd that if it wsnt on fire. 'save me!' she screamed ' i know the secret of ur father. the one no1 knows... cos its a secret.' the genie though for a while with a stern look across his face. then a smile crept back as he remembered the hilarity of the situation. he saved the cat, thinking that knowledge was worth more than revenge at the time being. the cat said ' you see mr winston' that ws the genies name, atleast on his passport ' ur fathers not ded, atleast not in buddhist terms!' the genie and i looked at each other and then back to the cat. this changed everything, or atleast nothing.

TO BE CONTINUED